Friday, July 20, 2007

sometimes i become a god

I need alcohol.

When my brain throbs with pain, I know at once that my dendrites are supplicating to the gods for wine. The lambanog (native conconut wine) cocktail a colleague prepared last Friday finished off a long workweek with a bang. By the time the concoction ran out, fireworks were already shooting in my head and my bladder was discharging yellowish excesses by the bucket. I need that. Yet again. Especially now that my head pulsates like an sex organ yearning for fornication without a condom.

I'm not alcoholic. Far from it. Prior to the binge last Friday, I hadn't had anything to drink for a long time. I just love the sensation of getting drunk. Not crawling, bring-out-the-leather-whip-and-handcuffs drunk. Just moderately drunk. I'd like to keep things in moderation. Anything in excess deadens the mind. And mine has died a couple of times before. There's no need for repeated agonies. I'm compassionate like that. I let the worms I saw in my avocado yesterday inch away like free citizens, ready to infest another fruit or some leftover pizza in the garbage bin. I dared not kill them even though they decided to make their presence felt at the most opportune time, after I had already finished half of the damn fruit. It is their nature to burrow their slimy bodies into fruits and cause screams from the squeamish. What right have I to end their existence just because my mind has been conditioned to regard them as hideously revolting? Only gods can be that cruel. And I am no god. Not yet, anyway. I am a mere mortal whose brain longs for the promise of vodka.

Priests are so lucky they get to drink on the job and nobody gives a hoot about it. I haven't seen a Catholic priest in a mass for quite some time. A friend once lamented that she hadn't gone to church for a month. I said I haven't sat through a church service for over eleven years now. She, and the rest of my friends, laughed. They probably thought I was kidding. And I cannot blame them. In this country, to go against the grain is to get ostracized. Freak. Weird. Demonic. Heretic. I've been called several names before. None of them stuck. My complex spirit cannot be pigeonholed, nor can it be dampened by comments floating from the wastelands of parochialism. It can only be drenched by tequila until its filmy clothes cling onto its body like leeches. Imagine my bliss when I went to Europe and found out that everyone else, including those with stinky armpits, thought like I did! And they regularly had wine for dinner. Even the school canteen I usually ate at served Beaujolais, albeit not the best kind. I bet that's how heaven will be like, wine gushing forth from streams while naked people cavort in wild abandon by its banks. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, of which I am an official member, describes heaven as having a huge beer volcano and a stripper factory. No wonder cherubims have paunches and archangels have dreamy eyes. But I don't dig beer that much. I was told wine doesn't give you a paunch. That's why I'm all for it. It merely chips off shame and drowns out logical thoughts until you're ready to take your pen and write sacred texts. But I go way beyond that when I am drunk. I become god incarnate, magnanimous and vengeful, silently surveying the mortals as they busy themselves in their inconsequential lives, mildly disturbed that they don't care being watched at all even as they go through the dull rituals of foreplay, each thinking of cheating on the other until their hearts beat in rhythm with the throbbing of their brains, their dendrites supplicating to me for just a drop of wine, which I willingly dispense like piss toward a yawning urinal. And then I'm left alone, with my own throbbing temples and supplicating dendrites, still in front of my computer wasting valuable time writing this stupid post.

I need alcohol.

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13 Comments:

At 8:45 AM, Blogger {illyria} said...

and to think that the one thing i can't stand is real balls-out alcohol. i so can't hold my liquor.

 
At 11:14 AM, Anonymous fruityoaty said...

I like my alcohol in moderation and usually only on certain days (Fri/Sat/Sun weekend binge, lol).

I'm Catholic, but not devout churchgoer (maybe only 12 times in a year) and I haven't gone to confession in probably, hmm... over 15 years. I'm afraid I'd scare the priest off in the confession box, hehe.

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger nam said...

ur the man!

 
At 1:34 AM, Blogger Jap said...

slim, i feel you. but what's stopping you? 24/7 convenience stores sell booze. you're lucky to be in a country where you can ask your seven-year old nephew to buy a case of red horse at the sari sari store!

here in qatar, alcohol is prohibited. one needs to have a licence to get wasted, or if you're willing to shell out a thousand pesos for a couple of Heinekens at a designated hotel bar then you're lucky if you could get tipsy at the very least.

count your blessings, and count it by the keg =)

i so miss the never ending smile of a tipsy night.

 
At 10:03 PM, Blogger Doubting Thomas said...

I just ahd my alcohol intake yesterday. medyo bad day yata yun kasi parang ang tagal ko nang hindi nakakainom then nabigla ako. hehe ayun... blowing bubbles.

inggit ka sa pari? hehe bili ka mompo (yun batawag dun) inuman tayo!

 
At 10:40 PM, Anonymous bingskee said...

yikes, worms!?! think that would dampen the tipsy mode (for me). i hate 'em worms (or anything that crawls).

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger Jap said...

LoL@Bingskee...unless of course the worm came from mescal or tequila bottle =)

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger slim whale said...

illyria -- that's great, too, once in a while.

fruityoaty -- i also go to church when my family drags me with them. but mostly, i just sit and stare at my fingernails or bite them.

nam -- thanks for dropping by

jap -- i don't drink alone. I associate alchol with merry-making at bars or formal dinners at fancy restaurants. i guess you could say i'm just a social drinker. and i choose the friends i get drunk with. so there, that's what's stopping me. my friends are not available all the time.

it must be really difficult there in qatar. wow, can't imagine life with alcohol. now i really sound like an alcoholic.

worms from mescal and tequila? oh yeah, bring it on!

bingskee -- i almost threw the fruit away when i saw them there. i'm not sure if i actually ate some.

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger slim whale said...

doubting thomas -- that happened to me once. didn't drink for quite a long time. when i finally did, i threw up after only 6 bottles of beer! moral of the story: drink everyday. hehe

 
At 4:53 AM, Blogger ie said...

like you, i drink beer in moderation. i hate seeing myself drowning in shame after the binge. plus, paranoia shoots in like an automatic airbag everytime i feel drunk, preventing me to hurt myself along the way. laugh if you want, but my impulse when i'm drunk is to sleep. and this never fails to dismay my loyal drinking buddies.

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger banzai cat said...

Alas, I'm not into alcohol much, my preferred poison being cigarettes and caffeine. Still, there's something to be said about people who will literally go the mile drinking so they can end up vomiting their innards out. Agh.

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger aryo said...

The best paean I've ever heard on the wonders of drowning in alcohol. While I can only drool on the thought of getting my fair share of the kind of wine that whets your thirst, beer is enough for me now.

Great writing! Cheers!

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger slim whale said...

ie -- you should really control your alcohol intake. people who sleep after a binge usually end up naked with pentel pen drawings on their back, chest, and butt. i think it would be interesting to get drink with you. i sure wanna know where all those beautiful words are coming from!

banzai cat -- unfortunately, i don't drink coffee and i don't smoke. but hey, sometimes, i love puking my intestines out. cathartic release. oh yes.

aryo -- thanks. when everything else is not available, i always go for good old beer.

 

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