the dark side calls me to its folds...

There it goes again.

I hear my brain go whoosh-whoosh as it turns into slush inside my shaved head. Too much work (or too much pretense at work) really takes a toll on me. Jeez, I should take a break. Again.

Everytime I close my eyes, I hear a tiny, godly voice (along with the whoosh-whoosh of my poor brain) whisper something like this:

“My child, my precious child, you are heavily-laden; your yoke is far too burdensome for your wearied sinews. Why don’t you pack your goggles, swim trunks, gallons of sunscreen, and hie off to some secluded beach and party till booze comes out of your ears?”

My skin isn’t even done rounding up melanin cells due to three weekends of straight sun-basking (Hundred Islands, Pangasinan; Laiya, Batangas; and Lucban, Quezon). And here I go again, itching to tow my sunburned ass off to another sun-crazed spot! It’s all I could think of right now. Plunge. Swim. Float away with sea snakes and tourists in dorky life vests.

But, since the gods gave me no choice but to sunbathe under the glare of fluorescent bulbs in my little blue cubicle, I’m doomed to just surf the net during breaks. Bummer. And endure the hypnotic drone of the ancient aircon. Super bummer. And overhear mindless office chatter. Ok, I’d rather listen to the aircon.

I’ve stumbled upon cool blogs, though. Great writers, these bloggers! ‘Makes me doubt my writing abilities. It’s essentially the same shit we talk about; they just have some creative undercurrent perennially ebbing and flowing through their writings. Oh well. I never claimed I was the Yoda of blogging, anyway.

Did Yoda ever blog? Or did he just record his image in that hologram thing (where a disbelieving Obi-Wan Kenobi saw Anakin slewing those cute and clueless younglings)? Whichever way he blogged, Yoda’s still my all-time fave Star Wars character (or thingie, whatever he is). He’s again in his elements in The Return of the Sith, though he’s a bit depressed because of failing to kill Chancellor Palpatine who loves showcasing his theatrical laughter. In that scene where Yoda enters Palpatine’s office limping with his short cane, he calmly raises his hand and two monster guards drop dead. Whoaah! I wish I could do that with the loudmouths at my office. Die, you bitches! Here’s my raised hand!

Some elements of the movie, though, appear too cheesy and formulaic. Anakin is portrayed with his brows eternally knitted to symbolize his eventual siding with the Dark Force. I could almost see a thought balloon plastered on his forehead: “Hey, look at me! I’m chummy chummy with Palpatine the Jerk and I’m gonna be his lapdog someday!”

Uhhm, Mr. George Lucas, in case you didn’t know, we already know he would become Darth Vader and spend the rest of his life sounding like a snoring machine inside that silly mask. You didn’t need to make it too obvious that he was thinking of denouncing the Council.

Anakin and Padmé makes a charming couple, if they only knew how to act. I felt like I was watching the first reading of a script. They were merely mouthing their lines! Whatever happened to Natalie Portman? She was a focused and determined actor in Star Wars 2. But here, well, suffice it to say that even a cardboard actor has more flesh than she does.

It may have something to do with how Padmé’s character has been subdued in this film. If she was a strong and resolute leader then, she’s a submissive and meek homebody now. She doesn’t even seem to be cognizant of Senate politics, to think that she is one of the senators of the Republic!

Also, the couple’s dialogues are too predictable. Padmé goes “Hey Anakin honey, don’t you think those separatist junkies have a point?” Then Anakin goes “Don’t talk shit to me, I’m loyal to the Republic blah blah.”

Ironically, in the next scene, Padmé goes “Hold it, Anakin sweetie pie, don’t fuck with the dark force!” To which Anakin replies, “Of course not, Padmé darling. But if it means saving your sorry ass, I might give their shit a try. It won’t hurt to kiss Palpatine’s ass.”

Toward the end, when Padmé follows Anakin to this blazing volcanic planet, Padmé goes, in between sobs and sniffs, “Oh, Anakin sugar cup, I don’t recognize you anymore, who the fuck did you turn out to be? Look at you, you’re full of shit!” And Anakin goes, “Ah, so that Obi-Wan prick poisoned your mind, eh? Here’s to you!” And he strangles the poor girl to kingdom come (well, actually, she still lives long enough to deliver the twins).

As a whole, though, I liked the movie. I’m contradicting myself, ain’t I? (Maybe it’s my slushy brain) Well, despite all the movie’s flaws, I still am a Star Wars fan. And if only to see Master Yoda perform his light saber antics, the movie is worth watching.

At least, it brought my mind away from beaches and swimming. Oh, jeez, there goes that voice again, urging me to party on the beach till I puke my guts out. Yes, my lord, thy will be done.