you can’t eat here but you may litter

With my hotdog waffle and cup of iced tea, I sleepily trudged up the MRT Taft train station one beautiful Saturday morning. “What A Wonderful World” was on repeat mode in my head. Everything was abloom with early morning crispness. With a nice day like that and a nice badminton game ahead, nothing could probably ruin my mood. Or so I thought.

At the train station’s entrance, the guard barred me. The song in my head screeched to a halt like some bootleg CD. Louis Armstrong swallowed a gramophone and choked to death. The guard said food was not allowed inside. He instructed me to stand in a corner and finish my breakfast first. Like a domesticated iguana, I politely complied even though I was already running late for my badminton game. When I saw that the queue in front of the ticket booth was getting kilometric, I asked the guard if I could just finish my food while lining up for my ticket so as not to waste time. He emphatically said no with a thick northern accent. So I shut up even if I knew that the order was illogical. The queue was just four feet away from where I was eating my lousy breakfast, and technically, I was already within train station’s premises. It wouldn’t have made a difference if I finished my food in that corner or in line. Besides, I know how to take care of my trash after eating.

Then I noticed the booths selling food and beverages across the ticket booth. I asked him why they allow food stalls inside but prohibit people from eating there. He said those are take-out foods. You’re not supposed to eat them there. I can’t imagine hurrying passengers taking their sweet time to stop and buy take-out delicacies on their way out of or to the platform. Besides, if they buy food there, they won’t be allowed to enter the platform at all, unless they finish them in one corner, like what I was doing. Having food stalls inside the station encourages passengers to eat there especially during peak hours when lines run longer than an orangutan’s armpit hairs. Why not prohibit food stalls too if they’re really serious with their NO EATING regulation?

“I honestly think that your rule is senseless,” I told the guard. He just pretended he didn’t hear me. So I also pretended that I was enjoying my breakfast. After gobbling up my waffle, I lined up for my ticket. When I was about to go through the turnstiles, another guard, once again, stopped me.

“You can’t bring your trash inside,” he said, referring to my breakfast debris, which I was still holding because there was no trashcan in sight.

“I’m going to throw these into the trash bin inside the bathroom because there’s obviously none here,” I reasoned out, keeping my asshole-self in check.

“Yes there is,” and he motioned toward a corner near one of the food stalls. I knew there was no trashcan there but, to humor the idiot, I still went to check it out. A few seconds after, I returned to the idiot and told him there really was no trashcan there, not unless he meant the floor. To my great horror, he actually meant the freaking floor!

“Leave it there,” he instructed.

“Where?”

“There, on the floor.”

My jaw dropped half a mile down and my tongue rolled out like a red carpet. Did that creature just say what I thought he did? I don’t even throw candy wrappers on the street and then here’s this bozo telling me to leave my used cup, large plastic bag, and soiled paper napkin on the floor! I thought the whole point of forbidding me to eat within station premises was to prevent me from littering. I was visibly appalled but the moronic guard did not seem to notice. Since I didn’t have time to create a scene scandalous enough to attract the attention of train station managers who would ask me what was wrong and try to comfort me as I rant and lecture about pollution of the environment and disruption of train station ecosystem, I grudgingly complied and murmured ‘stupid’ while thinking about drafting a strongly worded letter to the management of the MRT.