Friday, July 27, 2007

can the dawn be this bland?

The jeep sped through so fast the trees lining the highway melted into one long greenish blur. The horizon was bleeding purple streaks. Several kilometers down, Manila was still twinkling with specs of white light against a background of black mud. The smog hovering above it made the city seem less carnal. Everything tends to look so calm from this vantage point. Even a lynch mob would look like a quiet throng of termites going about their normal routine when viewed from above. No excitement whatsoever. No passion. No histrionics. No drama.

The skies were slowly blushing pinks and purples as the sun agonizingly tore its way up, ever so slowly. Carbon monoxide perfumed the cool air with mystery and hate. The houses along the highway slip by like insignificant weeks. Weeks that are littered by unrealized dreams and shelved projects that eventually decay in my closet, weakly wagging their tails for attention. I have long stopped keeping track of events because it keeps me boxed. The memories of which keep on sauntering back like they wanted to hang out with me.

I cannot say that I am dejected nor can I claim that I am ecstatic, like this delicious dawn. This feeling doesn't even come close to ennui. Such ambivalence can eat up the soul. It is infinitely better to feel some strong emotion, any emotion, and wallow in it than feel the silence of undecided thoughts. The soothing calmness that comes before a tidal wave can be unnerving. It kills more ferociously than the wave ever could. I do have some minor distractions, pinches of excitement, and slight surprises. But as a whole, the days just breeze by and I float with them, disemboweled, an ordinary tree lining the highway, smugly content in melting away into a greenish blur against a horizon that has just spit out a young, clueless sun.

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19 Comments:

At 4:20 AM, Blogger ie said...

to say that above you is the eye of a storm probably is appropriate. i may be wrong.

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger slim whale said...

ie-- yes, that's it. you hit it right on the spot.

 
At 10:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are a terrific writer...

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger pat said...

if you're in trouble, just remember that there's always alcohol to help you get by. you really do need it.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger davenport/dave/david said...

yes..each conspiracy must tastes bland.

 
At 1:01 AM, Blogger ie said...

i take that as a compliment. you know, i feel that way sometimes.

 
At 11:20 PM, Anonymous jen said...

okay, sorry po makikisingit. medyo serious na kayong lahat. (wag kayong magalit sa akin ha, di lang ako kampanteng mag-iningles dito)

hoy kristyano, musta ka na?

 
At 3:40 PM, Anonymous Major Tom said...

"a delicious dawn", I surely have not heard bout it before but I like the idea, it's so cool.

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger slim whale said...

anonymous -- thanks. still don't want to tell me who you are? it would be nice to know you.

pat -- that's the prob. i'm not in trouble. just in limbo

davenport -- what conspiracy?

ie -- and i hate feeling this way... oh well...

jen -- is that you, jenplaza? what happened to your blog? the last time i checked it, parang auction something na sya. musta ka na?

major Tom -- oh yes, very. it's better with gravy and pepper. thanks for dropping by.

 
At 4:46 PM, Blogger Jap said...

"float". you said it for the rest of us. i feel i am floating too. haaayyyyyyyyyyyy.

 
At 12:04 AM, Blogger Jigs said...

I sometimes don't know what to comment to your posts. maybe because I'm at times speechless or maybe the idea in the post completely goes over my head. hehe.

but I completely know the feeling of monotony and being unproductive.

 
At 5:47 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

jap -- and it's terrible to just float. it makes one feel that they don't have control over their lives. sigh...

hey, i can't go to your blog. blogger says Profile not found. can you leave your blog's site here? thanks

jigs -- it's the feeling that everyone wants to escape, i guess.

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger _davenport_ said...

ala lang, dating nung entry sa akin, parang conspiracy ng mga elements..until the time you realized you never know what hits you and hit you bad.

para ring opening ng isang war novel, the soldier was there, armed in a battlefield, yet hindi nya alam why he was there in the first place.

maybe i am assuming too much, knowing too little..but it is just me. cheers!

 
At 12:55 AM, Blogger Jap said...

hi slim, thanks for asking where my blog is at =)

I dunno what happened to my profile. Blogger must be acting gay again =)

 
At 12:23 AM, Anonymous jen said...

araykupo, natawa ako dun sa comment na "blogger must be acting gay again." lol! di ako matigil sa katatawa dito.

yes it's me, jenplaza. :D ayun, iba na po ang url. iiwan ko na nga dito. :D

 
At 3:37 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

davenport -- nice reading of my post. i feel that, sometimes. but i refuse to acknowledge it. i'd like to convince myself that i'm still in control of my life. but of course, that's not exactly true.

jap -- now i can see it. thanks. yeah, blogger has been acting up lately.

jen -- bakit, acting gay din ang site mo? the last time i checked your link, i foudn a site selling Filipino dildos or somethign like that. ayan, buti naman, iniwan mo na site mo.

 
At 8:30 AM, Anonymous jen said...

anong filipino dildos ka dyan. hindi kaya. matagal na akong nag-change ng site, i think. hindi ko matandaan gaano na katagal. parang march or april ata.

ang tyaga mo dito sa blogger no... i tried maintaining my blog here pero jusko, ikamamatay ko ang kanyang pambihirang kabagalan.

at kumusta ka naman? dun ka pa rin ba sa same work after dole?

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger {illyria} said...

it reads like a dream. weekend poetry, poetry that is the weekend. where does one end, and the other begin? beats me.

 
At 3:33 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

jen -- yoko palipat-lipat. it functions well naman, so far. yup, still working for the same company.

illyria -- now that you mentioned it, i am not so sure if it was really just a dream. great seeing your pic. hot!

 

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