Thursday, August 16, 2007

the blender within

When words come out bland, I let my mind wander in some hard to reach corner of my being, hoping that it would find some gleaming phrases there. All it finds, however, are pieces of scrap metal strewn on the musty floor, rusting away but refusing to be thrown into the garbage bin. Some memories can be adamant like leeches. Or are they indeed memories? Or mere wads of thoughts that got stuck there after I have put off a major cleanup again for the umpteenth time? Cleaning up is a nasty business. How can I defragment a soul that frowns upon categorization? Everything is so mixed up in there I'm starting to think it has some sort of blender that eternally grinds down everything—memories, thoughts, ideas, emotions—to a mush, unrecognizable in its gooey viscosity. Now if you could find some words in that mess, lucky you. I can't. My mind should wander elsewhere.

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17 Comments:

At 10:19 PM, Anonymous bingskee said...

then dont let your mind wander in that corner... am sure there would be better corners of your being. but though how impractical it seems, we choose often to visit that corner and let our poor selves languish. dont know what sort of attraction that corner has that we end up wallowing...

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Jap said...

you're kidding, right? lol this is probably the most ironic post i've read from you so far hahaha

 
At 8:45 AM, Blogger Sidney said...

The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart.
-Julien Green-

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger {illyria} said...

writers contradict themselves constantly. that's what makes them worth reading. i think you're doing a great job, smartie. :)

(and thanks for commenting on Chris's tracks. i included links to the other four in the comments, just in case you wanted to have a listen.) xx.

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Jeff - Reiji said...

you think too much. let go and let your "un"-organized thoughts scatter in front of you, pick it up slowly and you'll be amazed by how much you have defragmented your thoughts. it's a long process but it works.

 
At 4:10 AM, Blogger The Unintellectual said...

One thing I learned over the years is that people come up with the weirdest ideas when they are confused.

 
At 5:33 PM, Anonymous MAJOR TOM said...

maybe we all need that mind blender in order to extract a "thought puree", one that is delicious. Don't we all wish that thoughts are all beautiful and not one that is ugly?

 
At 6:42 PM, Blogger Jigs said...

Seems to me, your readers don't agree that you can possibly run out of words and metaphors. hehe!

But I understand what you mean. We do so many things at once that we get things so mixed up and weaved together that we confuse which is which, and when we can no longer recognize it, we tend to forget completely. I feel that way sometimes.

 
At 5:07 AM, Anonymous doy said...

ça va? it has been a loong time.


anyway, nakakatuwa ang latest post mo; i have been doing the same, as my friend coins it, a "space clearing gesture" is about to happen with this irony.

tama lang. go lang. :P

 
At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Richmond said...

Are you serious? You need a counselling then if it is.

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger Clark Can't said...

I think that's the reason why some people choose to intoxicate themselves with alcohol so as to numb their emotions and they won't have to deal with it for hours. Some people choose to intellectually masturbate with other people to help them search the words that are hard to find...
I think I get that now.
Nice post.

 
At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Rey said...

I suggest a nice, quite vacation in a prestine beach somewhere. It's ambiance and fresh air certainly acts as turbo-charged virus cleaner that has all the powers with stress worm-blasters to boot.

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger slim whale said...

bingskee -- maybe we try our best to understand what that corner has, why it's always in a state of decay. i rarely visit it, don't worry.

jap -- hmmm, nope, not kidding. really felt i couldn't find the right words at that time, dunno why.

sidney -- i have yet to fathom the depths of my heart.

illyria -- other four? he has more songs? cool, i'll go check them out as soon as i can. he doesn't have a beautiful voice but he draws me in, somehow. i love listening to that cosmos song. thanks

jeff-reiji -- good advice . i'll try doing that. i just hope they don't run off somewhere else.

the unintellectual -- oh yeah, that's true. i wish i were only confused at that time. but it was more than that. there seemed to be nothing there.

major tom -- "thought purée", i like that. as much as i want to, not all my thoughts are beautiful

jigs -- right. and then we end up at the start, not knowing what exactly hit us.

doy -- tu reviens! content de te lire encore! quoi de neuf? "space clearing gesture," your friend put it succintly.

richmond -- i need major lobotomy

Clark can't -- i only drink alcohol to celebrate. intellectual masturbation, yes, a great idea. i do that all the time, alone or friends. it's good to have such indulgence sometimes.

rey -- goodness, i need that. so much. thanks

 
At 4:39 AM, Blogger ie said...

amen.

although i'm not so sure about my memories. that is, if they are, indeed, what i think they are. but i console myself into thinking that everything, in the end, becomes one blurry past, which actually makes it beautiful in a sense. sharp memories wound deeper when you get older. i'd rather forget, or mistake one detail from another, if only for my heart.

 
At 7:52 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

ie-- i'd rather be wounded by sharp memories, if only to feel them again. to assure myself that they once existed. that they were once real.

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger seema said...

nice post.. memories do shatter me too all d time.. they are jus too good n jus to painful.. all d same time.. n as each good moment passes by.. it becomina distant memory haunts me... to fragment thm n categorize is again one heck of a job... they jus leave me numb with pain!!

 
At 12:11 PM, Blogger weng said...

"i'd rather be wounded by sharp memories, if only to feel them again. to assure myself that they once existed. that they were once real."

-i don't get why we bother with the past when it has served it's purpose at the time. it's gone, it's dead...why can't one let go?

 

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