Sunday, August 05, 2007

dead face

I’ve been tossing and turning in bed and it’s already half past fucking four. Sunday mornings ought to be hazy and glittery as the hangover of the previous night starts to kick in. But no, I’m here, in my room, totally sober, trying to figure out ways on how I could doze off after counting three thousand, eight hundred sixty-four and a half sheep. I tried reading Harper Lee’s Pulitzer award winning novel but the letters just swam on the page like a bowl of dyslexic alphabet soup. So I got up to stare at my face in the mirror. I got scared with what I saw. Except for my shifty eyes under my bushy unibrow, I looked dead. This is how I would probably look inside my coffin—parched lips, dry skin, and glassy eyes (assuming that the mortician forgot to forcefully close my eyelids). I tried making faces but they all seemed as dull and lifeless as Jennifer Lopez’s acting. Now that’s really bad. Maybe I can become a Hollywood actor and contribute to the betterment of the human race by starring in B movies with plots only morons would applaud. That’s a good thought. But it doesn’t fare better than counting stupid sheep. Maybe I should try banging my head against the wall. But where’s the fun in that? If it were, say, my neighbor’s head, I would relish the experience, maybe even consider it divine. Or am I just envious of my cocaine-sniffing neighbor who is snoring his innards out while I’m still wide-awake, my face getting puffier every minute and looking more like a drug junkie than he ever could? And is the sky brightening up now or is it the hallucinatory effect of lack of sleep? I have to get back to bed. Now.



At 10:28 AM, Blogger rebel_heart said...

i thought of leaving something witty but it's 1017 on a sunday - wit can't cut it . so i'll leave you with honesty instead - i hope you did manage to find sleep in the end . better yet , i hope it found you .

for some reason , i like this post . the gnawing fatigue , desperation of craving sleep but not getting it , bitter restlessness - a wonderful ( yet slightly tormenting ) mix of the messiest emotions in stark naked honesty . the kind you'd only know at half past fucking four .

speaks to me . always so original , you . [=

At 3:03 PM, Blogger Jigs said...

I know the feeling. Occurs most often to me when my body clock is completely messed up with stress.

During sundays, I try to cope up with the overwhelming demands of the weekdays. So in my case, it is from that stress that I get a hangover. However, one day can't completely refresh an already withering mind and body

At 12:29 AM, Anonymous bingskee said...

happens with age, too. but for you, maybe you were short of alcohol from the previous night's drink. ahihihi

would be better if you had someone there enjoying side by side the chill of the night and replace it with libidinal thoughts to let the f**cking hours pass by. LOL if that was the case, this insomniac's post would never have been written he he

At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you on a night shift, slim whale? That's the common problem of people working on a graveyard shift. It will take time before the body gets used to it.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger aryo said...

it's a good thing moments like these no longer me torment me as they used to - the failure of sleep to creep in i mean. but unfortunately, the dead look has permanently found its place in my unwilling old face. i've filed multiple eviction notices, to no avail. darn!

At 12:43 PM, Anonymous Misis M. said...

Hi Pher! Musta na? Pwede pa bang mag-iwan ng comment ang mga tulad ko? Gusto mo ng pampa-antok...sabayan mo kami ni Edong, lamon ng marami, sabay higa, matapos ang ilang sandali....zzzzzzz. Kinabukasan, sakit naman ng tyan ang problema.

Kitakits tayo sa October (2007!!!!), pwera usog.

At 12:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can relate so much.

At 1:18 PM, Blogger ie said...

it was past four already when i went to bed a while ago, but luckily it was because of a good conversation with a neighbor and my sister.

i experience that sometimes, though. my maiisip kang bigla, tapos yun na. tuloy-tuloy na yun. hindi ka na makatulog, at kung ano-ano na yung naiisip mo.

At 1:24 PM, Blogger jet descallar said...

are you drugs?


At 3:55 PM, Blogger Jap said...

One. Limit caffein intake.
Two. Keep Iterax handy.

wiggling toes in rhythm to twinkle twinkle little star always works for me.

good luck dozing off tonight, slim =)

At 3:23 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

rebel heart -- unfortunately, i didn't sleep that night. i went to bed at 11 fucking o'clock in the morning. darn. yeah, messy thoughts alright. so full of it.

jigs -- don't you wish we could just sleep two days straight on weekends and then never to need to rest on weekdays? if only that were possible. don't tire yourself too much

bingskee -- oh yeah, now you're talking! haha. i totally agree. maybe next weekend...

anonymous -- so used to going out Saturday night and getting wasted. that night, i went home early, thus, the sleepless night.

aryo -- this rarely happens to me, fortunately. me too, my face looks as dead as that of a cadaver's. ready to be dissected.

Misis m. -- akalain mo, buhay ka pa pala? musta na? you'll be here oct? wow! haven't visited Shawee yet to get my Nefertiti statue. one of these days siguro. email me!

Jeff-Reiji -- glad to hear there are people who feel this way sometimes

ie -- who needs sleep if you have good conversation? I'd love to actually converse with you face to face. but, if you speak as eloquently as you write, then, I might sound too stupid for you.

jet descallar -- i wish i were. can you send me some good stuff? when do we drink again?!?

jap -- one. i don't drink coffee. hated it all my life. two. what is iterax? sounds like a suppository or something. three. twinkle twinkle little star, good advice. yup, i'll try it.

At 8:27 PM, Anonymous Skye said...

Hmm, you could try some doobie. Add doobie with your brownies, they'll taste good and put you to sleep with a smile on your face in no time. You sure won't look like a zombie after! LOL!

At 10:17 PM, Blogger Abaniko said...

I don't have any problems with getting sleep when I want it but if insomnia will make me slim, I want to be insomniac for the rest of my life. Hehe.

At 3:52 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

skye -- tried that once, doobie-spiked brownies. i only ate a tiny piece. my face numbed for four hours and it was not pleasant at all. couldn't sleep. I swore i would never eat that blasted brownie again.

abaniko -- come to think of it, a lot of obese people are also insomniacs. i'm not insomniac, this rarely happens. and as to beign slim, well, that's my curse. good luck wtih the diet

At 12:33 AM, Blogger rmacapobre said...

cocaine causes permanent damage in the brain .. that stuff is nasty ..

At 12:31 PM, Blogger John said...

This post was great. Really informative. If you need resources for a sober coach then you should check these guys out and get your life back on track.


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