Monday, September 12, 2005

it slips away, slowly

Your kiss now speaks of dried up memories, of mummified dreams we once swirled on our palms, arid and syrupy like your parched lips. That kiss used to give me something better than ambivalence. I don’t remember what exactly. But it had been there before, always leaving a tickly haze in my mouth. Now your kiss leaves nothing but entangled cobwebs on my gums like bland cotton candy that refuses to melt. The residue of betrayal blackens the teeth, they say. I wonder if it would also cause my braces to rust, the way your heart rusted two months ago. I prefer lust than rust. But even that is no longer there, having left the moment you confessed you had thought of leaving me. I don’t want tears to moisten your scorched lips and make them supple again. Tears well up from somewhere less noble, somewhere too shallow for pain to wade in. I brew blood and sulphur in a deeper, more intimate place, beyond the reach of tears. Oh but you can’t see it. Not when your kisses merely take me to the bliss of minor distractions. I won’t ask you about love and its absence again. I would rather scratch off my scabs and let the wounds bleed copiously. It amounts to the same thing.

I see memories flying with dry leaves, conniving with the wind to take them farther than my imagination could ever fathom. They will be preserved there, wherever that is. And I would be preserved, too, as I kiss you and imagine my memories of your love intact in some place I cannot visit.

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8 Comments:

At 7:16 PM, Blogger Jay said...

There is a lot of pain here that I can't really comment on, but the writing is inspired; I'm only sorry if it comes from somewhere real, and current.

 
At 8:34 PM, Blogger Saint Eroica said...

good gracious chris... this is something!

 
At 9:53 PM, Blogger transience said...

you just put a stake through my heart and twisted it three times. this was lovely...in that melancholy way. and yes, i am masochistic.

 
At 1:14 AM, Blogger ennui said...

there's always the thing about a kiss. it foretells of everything we would expect, everything we refuse to overlook.

 
At 10:24 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

JAY--yes, it comes from somewhere real, but not so recent.

ERICA--just one of those depressed days when pain just gushes in from nowhere...sigh.

TRANS--melancholy, only this post is. i have moved on.

masochistic? i'd drive a sword right through your heart next time...

ENNUI--precisely. it sometimes shows something we refuse to acknowledge.

 
At 10:06 PM, Blogger snst_blvd said...

i feel.

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger dionne said...

not so recent? maybe in paris? LOL kidding!

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger slim whale said...

SUNSET EYES--we should.

DIONNE--Paris was history. and there was nothing there, really. this one's about a week ago.

 

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